Inuyasha and the Dead Goldfish
by btRkun
Summary: One shot. Souta has a little problem: he killed Kagome's goldfish. Now he's asking Inuyasha for help to get rid of it in the most bizarre ways possible.


AN: This is a one shot story.  The idea came from a short play I had to write for my creative writing class at school, but I loved it so much that I had to turn it into an Inu Yasha fanfic. J It's purely comical, intended to make you laugh, so please don't take it seriously.  Plus, there is one joke involving the Pope, which some hard core Catholics might not like.  So if you strongly believe in the religion you might want to reconsider reading.  Otherwise, enjoy!

Disclaimer: "How many times do I have to tell you?! Inu Yasha _does_ belong to me! He does! I swear it on my mother's grave!"  

Psych Ward guy #1: "Delusional, that one is. Inu Yasha belonging to her.  What was she thinking? Besides, her mother isn't dead.  Take her away…"

Psych Ward guy #2: (snorts) "Honestly, teenagers these days.  Must be all the AP classes at school.  Everyone knows Inu Yasha belongs to Rumiko Takahashi."

Inuyasha and the Dead Goldfish

By: btRkun

"Oh come on, Inuyasha!  Just two more days! Naraku won't be able to find the rest of the shards in two days!" Kagome whined for the thousandth time. Inuyasha and Kagome had just returned from Feudal Japan to get some more… ramen.  Kagome suggested she come back alone to get it, but Inuyasha had tagged along.

"Nothin' doing, Kagome!  No way! We are going back today!"  He shouted.  Kagome's mother started humming a happy tune in the background, and both of them turned their heads to look at her disbelieving.

"I'm never in my own time anymore, Inuyasha! Let me stay for just two days! We're already here!" Kagome started to get angry.

"NO! We're going back NOW!" He shouted right back at her.  Kagome's eyes squinted and her hands balled into fists then began to shake with rage.  Inuyasha slowly backed away from the table with glass on it in case she decided to sit him.

Then Kagome calmed down, smiled sweetly and spoke with calm and soothing tones as if the argument never happened. "Fine.  We'll go back as soon as I get back from my concert with Eri and Ayumi."  With that being said, Kagome turned around and walked into the kitchen whistling the tune her mother had been humming.

Inuyasha stood there confused for a few moments. "Oy! When is this… concert thingy?"  Kagome started to whistle even louder pretending that she didn't hear a word he had said.  "OY! WHAT IS A CONCERT?!" He yelled, obviously not understanding she was ignoring him.

Kagome began singing "London Bridge is Falling Down" with every word terribly off-key.  Inuyasha's ears flattened to his head at the awful sound.

"Keh, stupid girl."  Inuyasha crossed his legs while sitting and decided to wait for this concert thing to be over. "Keh! Stupid girl!" He said a bit more forcefully.

"I AM NOT STUPID!" Kagome roared from within the kitchen.  Inuyasha's ears twitched at the painfully high pitched noise, he growled back in response.  Inuyasha sat there for a full five minutes when his ears twitched at a very soft noise to his left.

"Psst!"

He ignored it, figuring it was Kagome's cat hissing at him again.  That cat kind of scared him a little…

"Psst."

Once again he ignored it and began tapping his claws on the hard wood floor. His eyebrow began twitching in annoyance.

"Psst, Inuyasha!"

"WHAT?!" Inuyasha jumped up and yelled.  

"Eep!"  Souta fell down from being startled.  Inuyasha's eyebrow was still twitching.

"What do you want?" Inuyasha said, trying to sound calm and not annoyed.

"Can you come up-upstairs?  Please?  Just for a few minutes, please?" Souta asked while giving a suspicious glance towards Kagome and his mother in the kitchen.

"Keh!"  Inuyasha replied before walking towards the stairs.  Souta ran ahead of him and ushered him to hurry up.

They walked up the stairs and into the bathroom where Souta locked the door behind them.  He looked worried and he began fidgeting around with his feet and hands. Inuyasha, of course, was oblivious to this and stared at Souta in confusion.

"I'm not holding your hand while you use that… that… thing over there.  What is that anyway?  A portable tree?" Inuyasha asked curiously.  Souta chuckled nervously.

"It's called a toilet and I don't need you to hold my hand or help me.  I just need your advice."

"Again? Didn't we agree it would be better to ask Kagome?  Especially after that whole girl thing…" Inuyasha began to look uncomfortable and started shuffling his bare feet over the cold tile floor.

"I can't.  It's about Kagome's Goldy."  Souta said.

"Her what?"

"Kagome's goldfish. See, I killed it. I gave it too much food.  I thought it might like bread crumbs, but it didn't. Now it's upside down at the top instead of swimming around."

"What?  What the _hell_ is a goldfish!  What are you effing talking about!?" Inuyasha asked with a bewildered look on his face.  Souta pointed towards the toilet.  On top of the toilet was a small fish bowl with a goldfish floating at the top, it was obviously dead. "Oh." Inuyasha said when he saw it.

"I remember mom talking about her pet fish when it died.  She said she had to flush it down the toilet, because that's where Fishy Heaven was. I asked her about it more yesterday and she said that's where all fish go when they die.  But I don't know…."

"Flush the stupid dead thing-" he started, Souta interrupted him.

"Goldfish, it's not a thing, it's a goldfish."

"Er… right… that. So why don't you do it? Ya know, do that flush thing… whatever that is."

"Because when you flush… you know… stuff… down the toilet it goes to the sewers, not Fishy Heaven. I would bury it but it's raining outside." Souta said glancing at the window.

"Don't bury it.  Its mononoke will come after you!" Inuyasha said.

"Mono… mono…mono… oke?" 

"Keh, I don't have time for Japanese pronunciation lessons." Inuyasha said before walking away.  Souta grabbed on to his kimono and begged for him to stay.

"Please, Inuyasha! You've got to help me get rid of Goldy! Kagome will kill me! If I get rid of it she might think Buyo ate it!"  Souta pleaded.

"This is pathetic! Be a man and face up to what you did!"

"Oh, like the time you were in Kagome's underwear drawer smelling her bra?" Souta asked innocently.

"…"

Souta grinned and dragged the speechless and blushing hanyou to the toilet again.  I thought we could cream-er-ate him, ya know?"

"Cream-er-ate? What's that?"

"I'm not sure, but I think that's when the Pope sticks dead people in the oven, covers them in cream and eats 'em.  But I can't use the oven, and the last time you tried you set Kagome's skirt on fire."

"Keh."

"Is that all you ever say? Keh?  Why not try a different sound like 'Ug' or 'Blah' or 'Bark'?"

"Because I don't freaking feel like it!"  Inuyasha yelled back.  Souta chuckled again.

"Oh! I've got it!  We can mummify Goldy! I've seen them do it on tv!  I just need the first aid tape in the cabinet over there!"  Souta ran to the other side of the bathroom and grabbed a small metal box with first aid supplies in it.  He pulled out the first aid tape and began wrapping Goldy the goldfish like a mummy.  Inuyasha squatted and began to watch Souta with interest.  "This is what the ancient Egyptians do to their dead people and dead cats. So why not a goldfish?"

Souta cut the tape and wrapped a tissue around Goldy since the tape wasn't sticking too well.  He dropped the fish into the toilet and looked at Inuyasha who looked back.

"The ancient Egyptians also gave the dead people and cats' offerings for the afterlife so they could be rich." Souta continued.  Inuyasha nodded at him to show he understood.  When Souta left the bathroom to get the offerings Inuyasha made a face.

"What the &$^!*@% is he talking about?!"

"I'm back, Inuyasha!  I got these from my mom's jewelry box.  They're all gold.  Gold was a popular thing the Egyptians offered to the dead."  Once again Inuyasha nodded pretending he understood completely.  Souta dropped a handful of gold rings, earrings, and necklaces into the toilet.

"But, won't the mummy fish get cold?" Inuyasha pointed into toilet bowl and saw the tissue wrapping the fish begin to deteriorate.

"Hm, maybe you're right, Inuyasha."  Souta reached over for the box of tissues and grabbed a large handful.  He dropped them in, put the lid back on the toilet and, as if in slow motion, flushed the toilet.

Souta looked back at Inuyasha and smiled triumphantly. Inuyasha rolled his eyes and stood up from his crouching position.  As Souta began to walk away the toilet started to vibrate and make an odd noise.  Inuyasha growled immediately, but Souta stood still, horrified at what he had done.  The toilet then began to overflow, leaving a large pool of water on the floor.

Souta unlocked the door and ran out screaming for his mother while Inuyasha grabbed the hilt of his sword and pulled it out ready to fight.

"Damn it!  It's the fish's mononoke!" He snarled through clenched teeth.  In the background he could hear feet pounding up the stairs, but he did not acknowledge it.  Instead, he rushed towards the toilet and with a long, quick swish of his sword he sliced the porcelain toilet into thousands of pieces.

Water began to burst everywhere from the hole in the floor.  Inuyasha slipped on his wet kimono pants and fell to the ground with a lard thud, his sword slid across the wet floor and stopped before two pairs of feet at the doorway.  He looked up innocently and saw Kagome's mother staring at him, Kagome was next to her and was trying hard not to laugh by biting her lip.

She walked over and kneeled next to him and wiped a small droplet of blood from his cheek where a sliver of porcelain had cut him.  He growled and pushed her behind him.

"Don't worry, Kagome! I'll protect you from the fish mononoke!" He said while trying to stand up, but only succeeding in falling again, this time into Kagome.  They both went crashing to the floor and Kagome started to giggle girlishly. 

Inuyasha stopped growling and looked at Kagome with confused eyes.

"Its okay, Inuyasha, there is no fish mononoke. The toilet was just overflowing because of my stupid brother." She explained.  Inuyasha continued to look confused.

"But, but I thought…" Inuyasha stuttered, almost incomprehensibly.

"It's okay, baka.  Don't worry, now come on, and let's get you some dry clothes."

"Huh?  What just happened?"  Inuyasha stood up and began walking out of the bathroom, Kagome by his side.  He glanced towards the stairs and saw Souta standing there, grinning.

"Bark! Bark bark!" Souta mouthed.

"WHY YOU LITTLE!"  Inuyasha snarled.  He began to chase after Souta who gave a frightened squeak and slid down the banister.

I thought it was a cute story!  So what did you guys think?  I know, I know, you want me to finish Sex and Drugs fast!  I will, I promise!  The 4th chapter is almost done, hopefully it'll be out by Saturday at the latest! But until then, leave me some reviews! :)


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